A nice cup of rabies

And they've got that ache that says they're probably growing.

So, yay, happy titty party for me! Or something.

*boggled*

Looking at this sets something in my brain on fire the way seeing the first 2D color images of the Mandelbrot set did back in the eighties.

A couple of weeks ago, that switch flipped back. I'm still getting all the cuddles and love I need, but I want more - I want impossibility. And I want it a lot more impossible than I ever dared to want it in the old days. So I reappeared on Furry, and on Taps. Ended up spending more time on Taps because, well, it's a lot crazier nowadays.

And today, finally, after a week or two of abortive scheduling attempts, I finally scened with one of my boyfriends. All I can say is... wow. Because one of the things I'm always seeking is an emotional connection with the other person; that's one of the elements that has to be there for a great scene rather than a merely good one. And knowing unequivocally going in that, yes, the person on the other side of the screen loves me enough to sleep with me on a regular basis. tolerate all my foibles, and occasionally say with no prompting just how much better their life is for having me in it... that means that element is a given, there's no chance of me just reading a little too much into the text, and all that I have to worry about is making it beautiful, impossible, and erotic.

And, in this case, dealing with three other people who got sucked into the scene. Yow.

Blue bubbles float up from Kalinda's head and her yoni, swirling and popping with something like giggles...

Rik, who was in the same room, is perpetually amazed at the way I talk with my mother. What can I say? I'm just not very good at formalities.

I do not own the goblet, but I own the hat.

So me and Rik (Nick still has a cold) got together with Bill and Kaz and hit up the half-price Halloween stores. This was taken in a department store on a futile quest to find an even more fabulous hat that Kaz had seen a few days ago - a witch hat with fiberoptic lights. Sadly, it was gone.

I have reached a point in my life where I feel that a witch hat with fiberoptic lights is a good fashion choice for everyday wear.

mister_wolf

Maybe I'll draw; maybe I'll plastic up my studio windows. One last Boston winter to get through...

Life ain't bad.

Looking at my e-mail from work, I saw a piece of spam with this subject line.

It was probably going to sell me penis enlargement pills. But I think that's good advice, overall.

Arial wonders why it emptied out in here before.

You say, "My theory is an apocalypse. Everyone was taken bodily up into Heaven, and we are what's left."

Arial says, "That's the Rapture, dear. And you only get taken up if you have a degree in statistics."

You say, "Oh. I thought that the Beard came and caught up all the Beardy People into a floating paradise in the sky?"

Larry_Hyena nods "Bearded people get a better class of afterlife."

You say, "Maybe I should start learning something about UNIX after all. Free as in, um. Love?"

Arial says, "Yeah, they get footrubs from Ayn Rand and free Diet Coke forever."

I wonder if it's the rain? I wonder if eating something will help?

"Maybe you're just bitey."

"Yeah. I'll be pushing a hundred and I'll still be gumming at you. Or biting you with my false iron teeth."

- me and Rik, vaguely paraphrased

Oddly enough I am not full of mope and grump despite this failure and this least-favorite weather. Getting out and trying to beat it back perked me up; I did something even if it didn't succeed and that seems to be important to my moods.

Moods are weird. Both nearly impossible to manipulate and incredibly easy to manipulate. One of these days I'll figure out all the weird bits of mental judo involved...

I would have started putting insulating plastic up on the windows today, in hopes of making the place more habitable, but it turns out we'd acquired stuff that is pre-cut to about six inches too short for our windows. One more yak to shave.

It's just so damn hard to lift myself out of vague gloomy inertia when it gets like this. I used to be like this all the time; nowadays it only comes round sometimes - I'm glad for that, at least. I just need to find the energy to remember what it's like to not be mopey and to pull myself into that state.

Yeah, tomorrow I gotta get out while there's sunlight - for what little it's worth - and get the materials to make a stab at changing my environment, to make it easier to change my self. I know how to do this sort of thing nowadays; it's not always easy but at least I know I've done it before; a distinct improvement over several years ago when I was always kinda grey.

When we specify that the job is in-house, that means we do not want you telecommuting from two states over, nor do we want you to reply with an auto-bid for your company in India that costs us us $10/h and probably pays the coders $3/h at best. We want your ass in a chair in the same office as us where we can talk to you, we do not want to adjust our communication methods to include an IM client to get your attention over there across the world. Perhaps this is helplessly retrograde. We don't care. Your e-mail will go into a folder with a snarky name like "what part of 'local' didn't you understand".

Thanks, Peggy.

(And if any of y'all out there are in the Boston area and interested in a part-time gig starting sometime this summer when I move the hell out of this frozen hole, let me know. Mostly it's maintaining a big chunk of timeline-oriented Actionscript 2; it also involves some web development. It's a job for paying the rent while you work on something that means a lot to you at home, not for getting rich on.)

So.

Dicknipples.

Dicknipples, dicknipples, dicknipples, dicknipples.

Dicknipples.

Have I mentioned lately that sometimes my mental age is still about five?

- I'm transsexual. I was born male, now I'm female.
- I'm poly. I live with my two boyfriends, who were a gay couple before I got involved.

I don't know if that qualifies as "gay" or not. It really doesn't matter to me. It certainly qualifies as "queer", though!